ExtroChristiPression… or something like that…

Hello, I am Amanda. I am an Extroverted Christian who also struggles with depression so I made up my own word because that is just who I am as a person.

Let me start by saying I love people. I love people so much, that I hate not being around them and as any true extrovert, I thrive off human interaction and energy. My days are booked with working and church activities and absolutely no time for myself. I love my busy life and I love to be around people, to make them feel good about themselves and to build them up. It is just who I am. I will always be that way, so before you think “You need to just take a break, Amanda”, well yes, to the outside world, that would seem to be the thing to do, and usually it is, I do enjoy time off, too! But throw that word depression in there and it complicates things. A lot.

 I do not always struggle with depression. It comes in waves. Always big, overwhelming waves. When you think about depression, you think about not wanting to get up, having no drive or energy, and just being sad all the time. Yeah, that is true, but being an extrovert with depression is a whole other world of crazy.  Allow me to introduce you.

 Extroverts are often described as talkative, sociable, action-oriented, enthusiastic, friendly, and out-going. On the negative side, they are sometimes described as attention-seeking, easily distracted, and unable to spend time alone. ALL TRUE.

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity. It can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, motivation, feelings, and sense of well-being. The core symptom of depression is said to be anhedonia, which refers to loss of interest or a loss of feeling of pleasure in certain activities that usually bring joy to people.

So, yes. I get my energy from being around people and being social, but also, during these times,  I struggle finding joy being around people and being social. So my calendar is full of work and activities that I want to do, but I struggle to get off the couch in the mornings to even fully function. Yes, I said the couch.

         Welcome to my crazy brain!

On a regular schedule, I love the activity! I do not love being away from my husband so much, but he is an introvert, therefor he is very happy to not have to interact with people. He’s the pod to my pea! I love  being around my friends, game nights, and I love doing hair part time because my clients are my family and friends and I want to be around them. Regular day to day life is not stressful because I actually enjoy being busy. I enjoy working. I enjoy being social. Kane usually has to drag me away from church on Sundays or from social events because I want to say Hi and Bye to everyone. I thrive on interaction, and when I am doing nothing, I can get bored very quickly. Mind you, I do love to have days at home where I can clean, or lounge and binge watch shows, but those days are few and far between. I get my best cleaning done when people are coming over. You know, the quick, gotta hurry up and clean, unless you are a close friend, then you just know that having a spotless house is not who I am. Thank you for loving me in all my messy glory, you know who you are!

Let’s add the wave of depression, which I am currently experiencing, which has prompted me to write this. IT SUCKS for lack of a better term. I am on week 3 of riding the struggle bus, and if it wasn’t for my amazing husband helping me, I don’t know what I would do. I don’t like to tell people my problems. I don’t want to burden people with sadness, so I just don’t talk about it. Kane knows it all. He sees me when I am at home, struggling to wake up because I just can’t. He’s there helping me around the house because I just can’t seem to get motivated. He sees me get sad when people always need something from me, and not being able to say “NO” because I do want to do it, but I also just need a break. For the record,  I have gotten better at saying “No” as I have gotten older, I will tell you if I really don’t want to do something.  But I truly do love to do for others. My passion is people!

Are you confused yet? Yeah? Me too!

And then there is God of course! He gave me the heart I have, the heart for helping, serving and encouraging people.  And there is the other part of the ExtroChristiPression. We throw God in the mix. Since I dedicated my life to Christ 4 years ago, my Mental Health has improved drastically! I no longer rely on medicine or drugs to help me cope with depression and anxiety. My cure now is prayer. A LOT OF PRAYER. I can’t stress that one enough. Even then, sometimes does not seem like enough even though I know it is the ONLY way. Because I know that God is with me, I do not get down on myself as I use to, and I know that He is going to part the waters, and help me through, never over, all my issues. Because He is faithful, I feel a calmness in my depression. It’s not an “alone” depression I feel anymore. Just an overwhelming sadness, that is not for any particular reason. I also know there is joy after the trial, and that my faith always grows stronger as I go through these phases.

I am writing this, partly just to get it off my chest, but mainly because there may be other people who have the same issue. Maybe it will help them to read there are other people out there who are like you, and you aren’t crazy! I don’t want sympathy, that’s not why I am writing this. I do not want people to feel like they have to reach out and feel sorry for me. My God is bigger than this; I don’t want a pity party.

 I do want you to recognize the signs, and maybe if you know someone like me, just reach out and tell them they are doing a great job at life! Encouragement (and always hugs) are necessary in these times. If you know me, you know I love to make jokes, and I am rarely snippy with people. If I get snippy over something, chances are likely that something is wrong, and I just need a hug. If I am quiet, chances are I need a hug. If I seem discouraged, I need encouragement. Basic human principles, but multiply it by, well, a lot. Because I am an extrovert, I am always up, when I am down, it takes a bit more to get me back up again.

I know this too shall pass, and I want you to know that if you struggle with this, it WILL. God has already overcome all of this. But also you are not alone. We will get our energy back up, we will enjoy interaction and social activity again, we will thrive again. Just pray. And if you don’t have friends who pray for you when you need it or reach out to you when you need it, let me know. Let your friends know that you struggle with this, as well. No one will know unless you tell them. So that’s really why I have written this. For you.

Thanks for coming to my AmandaTalk and I hope this helps you understand me, or your friend, a little better. God and Love are always the answer.

Pray for your friends. Reach out to your friends. Love on your friends. Encourage your friends.